Smarked for Death – TNA Bound for Glory 2010.

Its 10-10-10!  Well actually its over a week later.  But its taken me this long to be able to watch the show.

Also, this ended up being my longest review ever.  So we’ll break it up with some Knockouts pictures for you.  Any complaints?  Didn’t think so.

The opening video is stellar and makes this night seem like the biggest pay per view ever.  They just need to get out of the… I have spoken too soon.  The PPV is held at the Ocean Center in Dayton Beach, FL and a new venue helps to freshen things up.

Generation Me vs. Motor City Machine Guns (TNA tag team champions)

The story of the match is Alex Shelly’s injured neck.  Generation Me injured it at the No Surrender PPV.  If Shelly’s neck was only story line injured before this match, it has to be legit now.  Neck breakers, DDTs and all sorts of nasty paralysis inducing moves.  There’s an especially distrubing double dropkick move during which Alex’s neck snaps to the side.  Is Shelly’s neck strong enough to survive the plot of this match?  So far so good and its led to many a dramatic two count.  Sure its a spot fest, but its a damn good one and a great way to begin your biggest PPV of the year.  Shelly rolls a hurt Sabin to the corner and then forces a tag, that was brilliant.  This match is reminding me of Edge and Christian vs. Hardy Boys and I wish these four were in WWE only so their talents could be displayed on a larger level.  Sabin springboards off of Jeremy and hits a belly to back suplex on Max from the top turnbuckle.  Insane.  Skull and bones double team and MCMG get the win.  Outstanding match.

Christy Hemme interviews Madison Rayne and Tara about tonight’s match.

Madison Rayne vs. Tara vs. Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love (TNA Knockouts champion) with Mickie James as the special referee.

Angelina and Velvet start off with some chain wrestling.  Its slow, and a little too pre planned, but its still better than 99% of any WWE Divas match.  The newly brunette Madison Rayne exchanges with Angelina for a few.  Tara and Velvet square off, Tara makes everyone look good.  Have Mickie James and Tara ever had a story together?  No doubt they will in TNA, but I cant recall any in WWE.  Not since the glory days of 90s Vivid video have I seen 5 beautiful women go at it with such passion.  Tara “accidently” rolls up Velvet, and grabs the trunks, for the pin.  Tara is new Knockouts champion and Madison flips out.  Mickie James knocks out Madison, Tara doesn’t know what to do.  Mickie looks at Tara as if to say, “I’m next”.

Christy Hemme interviews Eric Young.  This story makes my head hurt.  Yes, Eric is great at comedy, but he’s a great wrestler too.

Ink, Inc. vs. Eric Young and Orlando Jordan.

I find myself hoping this is a quick match.  Eric comes to the ring with the TNA rulebook.  Eric also has new “tattoos”.  This is hilarious and hurts at the same time.  Young switches places with the referee and Eric starts to call the match.  I’m starting to think that EY is doing an ADHD gimmick but in a shocking show of sensitivity in pro wrestling, TNA doesn’t want to call it such.  Eric tags Orlando, and slingshots him in, causing OJ to take a bad bump.  Young is fantastic in this role, but I’m not sure why Orlando would team up with such a partner?  Time for me to create wrestling logic.  OJ decides he wants to go after tag team gold, and he cannot find a partner.  Even though Young is a pain, he’s the only person willing to team with Orlando, so OJ rolls with it.  There, logic found.  Eric breaks up Orlando’s pin and saves the match for Ink Inc?  Comedy matches are a great way to break up a show and this fills that niche.  Plus its unpredictable as wrestling usually isn’t.  Eric goes into Ink’s corner for the hot tag.  Eric vs. Orlando!  I’ve been converted, this match is brilliant.  Ink Inc hits a double team neck breaker, Moore pins Jordan.  Eric celebrates with Ink Inc.  I think their bond comes from reading, Young enjoys the TNA rule book and Moore preaches from the book of DILLIGAF.

Christy Hemme interviews Jeff Hardy.  No hint of what’s coming later tonight (which I know because I already read the results).

Douglas Williams vs. Jay Lethal (X Division champion)

The announcers acknowledge the X Division title changes at the past week’s house shows (Lethal to Red and back to Lethal).  Williams takes getting used to, but once it happens, you become a huge fan.  Much like anything from the UK (Monty Python for example) its so different than the US style it takes getting used to.  Williams is so different, especially within the X Division, that its easy to ignore him.  However, once his style clicks in your mind, its amazing just how good Douglas is.  Unfortunately he’s not good enough to win this match.  Williams tries to drop Lethal from the top rope, Lethal rolls with it and rolls up Williams for the pin.  Very quick match.

Oh, that’s why its so quick.  Robbie and Cookie attack Lethal.  Shore gets into the title picture.  I would really hate this gimmick if not for the fact that these two have proved themselves on the independent scene for years.  Sometimes a good wrestler needs a goofy gimmick.  Robbie calls Lethal a disgrace to New Jersey.  This feud actually makes sense.  TNA has been impressive tonight.

Rob Van Dam vs. Abyss in a No Rules Monster’s Ball match.

Abyss says “They” will be revealed tonight.  Of course, everyone expects it to be during this match.  RVD hits a bulldog, driving Abyss into the barbed wire board.  RVD misses Rolling Thunder when Abyss moves and Van Dam hits the board too.  This match is just going to be a violent spot fest.  Abyss sets up the barbed wire board on the guardrail.  TNA – where fan safety is number one!  RVD hits Rolling Thunder, springboarding out of the ring and putting Abyss through a table.  Classic table booking, set up the table then ignore it long enough for the fans to forget the table is there.  Then when someone goes through the table, huge pop!  For example: there is still a barbed wire board set up that no one has used yet.  RVD is about to go coast to coast when Abyss stuffs it by throwing a chair at Van Dam.  Rob falls off the top rope and headfirst through the board!  That was very very nasty.  The bump was so bad that something (wood or metal) looped around and lacerated Van Dam’s nose.  RVD hits the coast to coast Van Terminator into another barbed wire board, into Abyss.  Rob hits Abyss with Janice then goes up for a Five Star Frog Splash.  RVD pins Abyss.  This is actually rather surprising considering the 10-10-10 hype.  In the story so far, Abyss is now gone from TNA.  Abyss still says 10-10-10, so we’re not done for tonight.

Sting, Kevin Nash and The Pope D’Angelo Dinero vs. Jeff Jarrett and Samoa Joe.

The team of three seems to know the true nature of Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff, but are refusing to flat out say it.  Really, the best way to fight a conspiracy is to be cryptic and mysterious.  That’ll force them out into the open.  Not only is it a handicap match, but Joe has so far wrestled all of it for his team.  With two men in the corner during the match, there are a lot of conversations taking place while waiting for a tag.  I would love to see a DVD bonus featuring “corner cam”.  Are they talking about the match, staying in character, or pointing out girls in the crowd?  This could be fascinating.  Also fascinating is how long it takes for Joe to get the hot tag.  Slowly, slowly, and Jarrett abandons Samoa Joe!  Its now a 3 on 1 match.  Nash says, “I told you so”.  Joe doesn’t give a fuck and tries to fight off all three.  With two millionaire multiple time world champions on the other side, that’s not going to happen.  Kevin Nash hits a jackknife powerbomb on Samoa Joe for the pin.

Christy Hemme interviews Mr. Anderson.

Team 3D come out to make a major announcement.  Brother Ray announces that Team 3D will retire, but they want one more match for the TNA tag team titles.  They will retire if they lose or retire as 24 time tag team champions.  Taz is stunned that the Brothers didn’t talk to him about it.  Solid match for the next PPV.

Christy Hemme interviews Fortune.

EV2.0 vs. Fortune Lethal Lockdown match.  Ric Flair and Mick Foley start fighting before the match even starts.  Match starts with Stevie Richards and Kazarian in the cage.  The two teams stand outside, waiting for their turn to get into the match.  Every 2 minutes a new man enters, Fortune will have the man advantage.  However, the first two men will fight for 5 minutes.  AJ Styles is the next man to enter.  Fortune all have blue tights because they’re “blue chippers”.  I think there was a sale on fabric.  Tommy Dreamer enters next.  Dreamer spits something into AJ’s face.  Stevie isn’t putting any weight on his ankle and his foot dangles in an awkward position.  Tower of Doom spot and Kazarian’s boot cracks Tommy’s skull on the way down.  Robert Roode enters the match.  Dreamer has been cut open.  Flair assaults Dreamer through the camera hole.  Original spot by the oldest player in the game.  Sabu comes into the cage.  Sabu is hitting a lot of his signature splashes and springboards, but he’s a few steps slower than his glory days.  Dreamer has a good amount of blood flowing and Stevie is still limping around.  Lot of submission holds being applied throughout the match, however there is no referee until all men are in the match.  I’m guessing that in a long complicated match like this a submission can double as a rest hold.  James Storm enters the match.  This is where the announcers finally mention the cage roof full of weapons, which will lower later in the match.  First rule of building suspense, if someone is going to use a gun then a gun should be mentioned on page one.  The weapons arsenal should have been brought up earlier.  Raven comes in like a house of sparks.  When the sides are even, EV2 is in control, but when they have the man advantage Fortune controls the match.  Roode has started to bleed.  Matt Morgan enters and its all over.  Morgan powerbombs Sabu into the cage, Sabu is now cut open.  Morgan destroys all of EV2 with big power moves, perfect booking for the big man.  Stevie Richards is now bleeding from the mouth.  Morgan poses with Sabu’s blood all over his giant hands.  Raven gets cut open.  Rhino charges into the cage.  Rhino hits a belly to belly suplex on Morgan.  Storm feels the Gore.  The cage roof lowers now that all ten men are in.  Flair and Foley fight on the outside.  Real violent hits from the two veterans.  They may not like each other, but these two must respect each other by now.  Raven has an axe handle?!  That’s a new weapon.  EV2 has all the weapons and uses them with skill.  Morgan and Raven duel, Morgan has a kendo stick and Raven has a trash can lid.  Match gets a little real for a moment.  Great exchange.  Matt Morgan misses a carbon footprint and hits the cage door full force.  His knee should be in massive amounts of pain.  Kazarian is thrown through the cage door, Stevie gives chase.  Both men climb the cage to acquire the weapons on top of the roof.  Sabu hits a suicide plancha through the door onto Morgan.  Kazarian teases a Flux Capacitor off the top of the cage.  So so much action going on.  The table on top of the cage is restructured so that the legs don’t fall through the cage mesh.  A pile of fabric on the cage starts to move.  Brian Kendrick has been hiding on the cage roof!  Kendrick puts Kazarian through a table.  Kendrick achieves nirvana.  Dreamer hits a Dreamer Driver off the top turnbuckle and onto a chair.  Dreamer pins AJ.  EV2 wins.  Sure it was a gimmick match, but it was an amazing gimmick match.

Christy Hemme interviews Kurt Angle.

Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle for the vacant TNA World heavyweight title.  Each man gets lights, music and TNA’s most elaborate stage to date for their entrances.  Every one of them looks like a star.  Good job TNA.  Within the first few minutes of the match each man takes bumps they really shouldn’t.  Nothing against TNA homegrown talents, but having three former WWE main eventers fighting for this title makes the TNA world title look like the most prestigious belt in all of wrestling.  While the big spots, like a Tower of Doom, are nice there’s too much time spent setting up the spots and not enough in letting the match flow naturally.  Angle serves up hot piping suplexes for all.  Double ankle lock?!  What does it mean?!  To be serious, wow what a move.  Hardy and Anderson both roll out of it.  Green Bay Plunge off the top rope!  Hardy tries to cover Angle and Anderson at the same time.  This match is what TNA has needed.  Angle’s sudden bursts of speed when he looks all but defeated will never stop impressing me.  Hardy rolls through the ankle lock which tosses Angle right into a Mic Check by Anderson.  Angle still hits one of the most beautiful moonsaults in all of wrestling.  Angle and Anderson chain wrestle and each attempt finishers.  Angle accidently hits the referee with a nasty clothesline.  Anderson hits a Mic Check, there’s no referee.  Eric Bischoff comes down with a steel chair and is going to hit someone with it.  Hulk Hogan’s music plays and the immortal gimp hobbles down on crutches.  Hogan will walk on water after having double leg amputation at the next PPV.  Security holds the ropes open for Hogan… while a match is going on.  Bischoff and Hogan are going to square off with crutches.  Hardy tries to be the voice of reason.  Angle wakes up and Hardy hits him with the crutch!  Hogan and Bischoff act stunned, then smile.  Hogan suddenly doesn’t need crutches.  Twist of Fate on Anderson, Bischoff wakes up the ref for the 3 count.  Jeff Hardy is new TNA World champion.  Dixie Carter is stunned and shocked.  So am I.  Not because of this epic heel turn, but because Hogan can walk after massive back surgery.  Either Hogan faked having surgery or Christopher Reeve should have been a wrestler.  Jeff Jarrett and Abyss come out to celebrate.  “They” have been revealed.  Rob Van Dam runs out and yells at Hardy.  Hardy blasts RVD with the title.  The fans pelt the ring with trash, and the show ends.

Well that PPV was damn well worth it.  Worth the money, and I’m excited to watch the next episode of Impact.  Even parts that were over booked, like Lethal Lockdown, were still entertaining.

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