Down The Well: “Otunga’s Body Oil” 4/9/2012

 

What a sticky Monday Night RAW!

In between David Otunga’s body oil, Chris Jericho’s beer bath, and John Cena’s bloody mouth it was a carnival of liquids out there tonight. Make sure someone draws a sample from the mat tonight; we could have a new form of life on our hands!

Full disclosure, I also only watched about the last half of RAW. The rest of the info is from re-caps. So I missed the biggest event of the evening which was of course:

The Three Stooges are here!

…no, numbskull…

JOHN CENA GETS BASHED IN THE FACE PART II

So, Brock buddies up to “Big Johnny” John Laurinaitis and gets the endorsement from the company. He’s not about stupid things like “catch phrases” or “earning a title shot” he’s about “legitimacy”. His UFC career is mentioned by Michael Cole and I swear a vein just burst in my head because it sounded like the WWE is finally recognizing their biggest competitor.

Cena comes out and seems to have objections to once again being overlooked as The Man in the WWE. He challenges Brock to a gentlemanly slap off which Brock then responds by BREAKING CENA’S FACE. Wow. I hope they “planned” that cause I would hate to be in the ring with Lesnar being so sloppy.

A “Sloppy Brock Lesnar” sounds like a sexual maneuver.

I was happy to hear the locker room cleared out to contain these two guys to push how big this angle is. In my mind, I’m still a little hung over from Wrestlemania. Lesnar coming back is a huge boost for the WWE, but I just feel like ramifications from Cena’s loss have gone unresolved. Perhaps that’s what WWE wants us to forget right now. They’re forcing us to accept this new feud before we start thinking too hard.

Cause when the audience actually thinks about something we get YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.

Funkasaurus wrestled longer than he has yet on television. I still hope this guy does well, but hearing about his participation with Santino against Ziggler/Swagger just makes me realize how he needs an equally large character to fight. Unless they plan on feuding him with the NEW “Beast from the East” Lord Tensai. Oohhh, speaking of whom…

The Tensai/Yoshi Tatsu squash match articulates the WWE’s racist agenda. Actual Japanese wrestler cannot beat huge white guy who learned how to wrestle from the Japanese? Shame and dishonor on you WWE.

Yes, there was a Cody Rhodes/R-Truth match. Big Show came out for the distraction, and Cody got pinned. Way to BE A STAR Show. Just because you got picked on doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to do it. Didn’t you watch any “Davey and Goliath” when you were a kid? Also, this felt like an exact repeat of last week.

The CM Punk/Chris Jericho storyline to me has hit a roadbump this week as we return to the well (pun intended) with another attack on Punk by Mark “My knees are okay can I please have the title again” Henry, and Jericho then delivering a beer bath to a prone CM Punk. They literally repeated every beat from the last month of this feud and to me they’re coasting. Punk has to either loose the title next week to get me to pay attention, or Jericho has to find another angle to torture Punk with.

Getting “Stooged” sounds like a sexual maneuver.

I actually liked Lesnar’s speech. He’s a destroyer. But will it be “War Machine” that makes his new t-shirt or “I’m Not Here to Make Friends” the standby for ALL Reality TV? Why is it guys with the initials B.L. have the tiniest little voices? Bobby Lashley, care to comment?

“no.”

David Otunga used his time well in his match against John Cena…by posing every time he got an advantage. Bonus points for Cena selling Otunga’s body oil. Please have that be a gimmick where “opponents can’t touch him in the ring  Cena hits him with the STF for a well needed win. Brock comes out yet again to deliver a huge F5. What a bully! Man, can John Cena not catch a break at all?

WE’VE HIT BOTTOM:

I want to see John Cena get REALLY aggressive from here on out. No jokes, no jaw work, no laughing, no shrugging it off. If he doesn’t get his act together he’ll get his ass kicked. Just like he did this week. But decent build of Lesnar/Cena overall.

Also, Jericho needs some new development in his feud (hit Punk’s dog with a car maybe?)

And what’s in the bucket? A 7/10!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

Follow me on Twitter @cravesam and I promise I’ll follow you back. For realises.

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