True Blood Season 5 Episode 7 Review

In the Beginning

 I was on vacation last week, so when I went to watch Episode 6 the site I watch it from had all of the videos removed. So if anyone out there happens to know where I can catch last week’s episode, please let me know! And I will, of course, write a delayed review. Here is what I know just from the recaps…

 More commandos? Alicide wants to be Pack Master now? Huh, well that’s one hell of a turn around. Luna lives! People are after Shifters! I have no idea what is going on with the images of Jesus. And yet again the Smoke Monster escaped from “Lost” (he was much scarier there BTW). People in the Obama masks “saved” Hoyt? Vampires killed Jason and Sookie’s parents….because of Sookie? (Honestly, for this to actually fly, every time Sookie gets her period there should be Vamp-A-Palooza) HOLY FUCK. RUSSELL STEAKS STABLER (Okay, fine, his name is Roman). Damn it, I miss all of the good stuff.

 Okay, onto Episode 7!

To be completely honest here, this episode was quite overwhelming, and not just because I am missing last episode.  There are just SO MANY plot lines going on this season that my head is whirling around more then Lorena’s.  There are things that I like (Pam and Tara) and things I don’t like (Terry).  Well, might has well just jump in…

Opening scenes. Ummm, what the fuck is this? When did I step into watching “House on Hauted Hill”? They get Russell with a silver net, Eric is some how strung up on a column. Damn it, I really have no idea what is going on.

 Gotta stop and sing the theme song. Best theme song, EVER. And the visuals are disgustingly awesome.

 Faeries are fixing Sookie? She can “run out” of her telepathy? I call bullshit on this!

 I don’t like freaky Sam. Rolling around on the floor, sniffing.  It seems here as if the writers are just trying too hard.

 LAME STREAM MEDIA. FUCK. Hillbillies. Don’t turn Hoyt into a Tea Party biggot :(  Sarah Palin haunts my nightmares.

I still love Tina Majorino as Molly.  Really, I just love Tina Marjorino.  I feel the need to watch “Veronica Mars” now.

 Nora is annoying. Russell is dramatic and enjoyable, and the homoerotic nature he throws in when interacting with Eric is perfect. I am not really enjoying this religious storyline. I think Russell is playing the Sanguinistas, and in the end they will all die. All the vampires stoned on V? Holy V? Brings the idea of holy communion to a whole new level. Bill getting a piggy back ride from Eric was pretty amazing.  They bust into an upper class bourgeois Karaoke party and eat everyone in sight.  We see Lillith, and her merkin.  And then GODRIC.  Hopefully he has come to save this story line.  My problem here is I have enough religious morons on the news, I don’t necessarily need them in my TV shows.  Especially ones mocking Michelle Bachmann and Sarah Palin, bitches be crazy enough without characters based off of them.

 Half naked Alicide! Who is this girl (is it Jannalynn from the books)? She wants him to take V. The Marcus’ mother is watching them make out. TOO MANY STORY LINES.

Arlene watches her wedding video.  Terry and friend get mocked by the smoke monster.

Lafayette is in Mexico. Jesus head is on a chair. The woman is still pregnant. They sew Lafayettes lips closed and cut his forhead.  Brujo brother gets stabbed by the pregnant baby momma.  I still have no idea what is happening.

 Pole dancer Tara!  YESSS! Tara’s mom in Fangtasia?! I would like to point out that it took over 30 minutes to get to Pam. This is unforgivable. I would really love to see more interaction here with Tara and her mother.  I enjoy how her mother tries to be “respectable” as a Peacher’s Wife while looking like a hot mess.  Sister needs a better weave, just saying.  Another great scene between Tara and Pam in the Fangtasia office, why do these ladies have so little screen time this week?!  Also, Pam’s hair might inspire me to get out the crimping iron today, and yes, I actually do have one. 

 Quotes (Sadly, no Pam quotes this week)

Jesus tits on Christ, this has got to be the worst night of my life” ~Andy

Who knew Biggots bought in bulk?” ~Sam

I feel more love and acceptance here int his hate group then I ever did in Church…” ~Hoyt

Go Fuck yourself, Nora” ~Eric

Never, you Bible-banging Cunts” ~Eric (after being asked by Nora to join them)

Respectfully, your son doesn’t have a grave cause y’all ate him” ~Alicide

Well fuck you and your tough love” ~Arlene

I’m a raving lunatic bitch” ~Luna

 

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