#HashtagHorror The Howling Reborn

REGALSAYS: Another day another werewolf movie. None has been good since I watched Dog Soldiers (Keep in mind I haven’t seen Wolfman remake) and this makes no attempt to resurrect it. At least Lindsey Shaw makes it half interesting. 

FamousPlewa Looks like I’m going solo. This truly will kill me! #HashtagHorror

 

Kristoffrable “Hey, hey, hey, look.” No, hey, hey, hey, you look. I don’t appreciate you in my face! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Ooooh, Redheads, I dig redheads. I don’t dig that guy who can’t breathe through his nose that was in Hey Arnold though.#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa Looks like another Canadian cheap flick #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Awww pregnant redhead…it totally isn’t mine. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Of course she’s an artist! She’s wearing every stereotypical piece of clothing that one would! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror *growls* Jack, is that you? Yeah cos Jack always growls for foreplay.

Kristoffrable Wow, that is one of the worst CGI explosions I’ve ever seen.#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable You’d convince me more if you put your shirt on and avoid any Twilight stereotypes. Thanks. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Thanks for reminding me to take my pills dad, even though they’re right in front of me. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Awww he’s not special, like this movie. Though I’m still blaming @MrsZigglesworth for the last one. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable And no horror movie, werewolves I’m assuming, is complete without a hacker. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror what is with this kids eyebrows? Werewolf to be yes… But man those eyebrows.

Kristoffrable Wow, a not sexy at all chick, trying to be sexy. My outie, became an innie. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Of course, the underground werewolf parties. And what are they listening to? Indie rock…I used to love Echo & the Bunnymen.#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror you took a pill from a stranger?

Kristoffrable Is there going to be some werewolf hazing…cuz there needs to be. I’ll be the first victim. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Look it’s the newest Teenage Mutant Ninja, coming out of the sewer…it’s nerdy ninja! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable I’m pretty sure that kid’s hair is as fictitious as these werewolves. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable OK so why does this guy know so much about werewolves?#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable What are you listening to? OK, I’m digging it, which is the only thing about this movie I am. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable And magically he pulls a Peter Parker. He don’t need them glasses no more! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror you’re lunch, kiddo.

Kristoffrable Oh shit, do we have a new fashion trend with this ripped sleeve?#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Guess somebody should have got metal detectors in their school.#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror this female lead looks real good

Kristoffrable Oh of course, the slutty Britney Spears look…only she’s not remotely hot…that totally works. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Is that bun or finger in that ring? It’s hard to tell. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Health and Safety are gonna tear that chef a new one.

Kristoffrable Haha “The closest thing I ever had to a bicycle helmet is when I grew my hair out in the eighth grade.” Epicly bad. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Shouldn’t this book be in the forbidden book section? Oh yeah, wrong movie. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Alright this girl is growing on me and I’m pretty sure she could snap my neck with her legs. If that’s not love…#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable So this is what Twilight would have been had she gone Team Jacob…interesting. Hopefully less pedophilia too. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror sexy little vixen isn’t she.

Kristoffrable So cheap, no boob action! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable “You’re kind of like a good book I can’t put down yet.” Kind of wish someone would have said that about me by now. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror 45 mins in and we have no nudity whatsoever!

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Ray… If a hot blonde chick asks seductively if you wanna go… You say yes… YES! YES!

Kristoffrable Oh, this is a lame Darth Vader reveal. You bastards! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror right so that’s his… And she’s trying to… Okay. And the dad NEVER recognised her despite pining for her for 18 years.

Kristoffrable So is this the American Daniel Radcliffe, because if so, I’ll lose the Revolutionary War to have him back. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable OK, why is it so important that they have this kid? They’ve failed to explain that. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Didn’t turn the white light on for me…brilliant haha. No, it’s bad.#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror you are a werewolf, dumbass. Rip the door apart with super strength.

Kristoffrable Yeah, because every school has metal doors to protect its windows in lock down. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable This is where you fade to black…yeah I’m sure Metallica would be proud, me however, I am not. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Hahahaha, you’re kidding me right? I mean, flame throwers?#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Yeah security is real good there if they were alive. Students can construct flamethrowers in 2 mins flat! Also an hour in.

Kristoffrable Well, if you’re into necrophilia, I suppose now is the time...#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Oh of course, the Team Jacob clause invokes shirtless werewolves in all movies! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Go for it! Save the movie!

Kristoffrable Oh great, an emo version of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” for a sex scene. Bad, just bad. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror cos nobody heard those gunshots… Went to investigate… Or reported that guy missing.

Kristoffrable The plot of this movie is ridicously bad, it makes not sense whatsoever. Who picked this? #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror OOOOH YEAH. Macho Man entrance music means he’s here to stop the werewolves.

Kristoffrable “Seriously damaged by this relationship?” It’s lasted what, a few days, sack up chick! Also, very tre awkward. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Ah of course, stereotypical graduation speech from an uptight girl that needs to be deflowered. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Worst. Elevator. Scene. Ever. Did this flick get a Razzie for it? Please tell me it did. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror whoops. 1 hour 19 mins in. Still no nudity… Still no sense from the plot.

Kristoffrable Did she really just say, what I thought she did. *SMH* #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Woooooooooo werewolf slapfight! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Epic wall break, not so epicly done. Perhaps they should have hired Jericho for that. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Oh shit, it’s the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan showdown!#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Robbed of nudity again! Fuck you movie, fuck this movie!#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror this movie is crap. But werewolf movies aren’t all crap. Dog Soldiers, anyone?

Kristoffrable No, not remixing Peter Gabriel! Noooooooo, but it was done so well in Scrubs. Fuck you The Howling Reborn! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Yup. Not one teen heard any of the ruckus in that building.

Kristoffrable Moral of the story: Bad music remixes, plot holes, and some modestly good looking chick do not the werewolf movie make. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Those special thanks better include the viewer for watching this pile!#HashtagHorror

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One comment on “#HashtagHorror The Howling Reborn

  1. Pingback: #HashtagHorror Schedule for September 2012 « Team Hellions

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