#HashtagHorror Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

REGALSAYS: Well that was interesting and plenty to point fun at too. 

As was pointed out… We should campaign for Steven Seagal to star in the remake!

Crap, tolerable fun.

Kristoffrable Oh great, tonight’s #HashtagHorror was direct to DVD. That’s a guaranteed piece-o-shit if you ask me.

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror BITCH GET OUT DA ROOM!

 

Kristoffrable Ooooh yay, and it starts with the heart beat, running through the woods sequence… #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds I’ve heard this girl’s same screaming in my porn movies #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror I don’t like this version of Little House on the Prairie. Too evil!

Kristoffrable Please zombie…stop looking at me as if you want to give me a BJ…I don’t want one and I don’t know where you’ve been. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Well, at least they could afford the fancy letters for their graphics. #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Wow, Abe’s makeup job is worse then Tammy Fey’s #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Abe Lincoln is going to that place! *preps for an RKO*

Kristoffrable Holy hell, tone it down with the bad acting lady. Bad acting is bad…#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds I thought Abe Lincoln was really tall…he looks about hobbit sized #hashtaghorror

NickGator Why does Lincoln have a southern accent?? #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror At least it makes sense why Abe could defeat THESE zombies. A stiff breeze or a squirrel could overcome them.

Kristoffrable I think Abe Lincoln had a better head of hair than that.#HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror I do like the dwarf sidekick.

NickGator Both..or neither? This guy should write for a wrestling dirtsheet #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Wooo I love cheesy looking cgi old towns…they look hideous!#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Interrogating a zombie….BRAAAAAAAAAAAAINS #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable So becoming a zombie is like being hypothermic? #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror channelling his inner WWWWWEEEEE M-m-matt Morgan

NickGator Captain Eckert looks like he just watched the last Asylum film#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds So, where the fuck is Lincoln’s accent from? #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds PULASKEEEEEEEEEEE. Im from a town, when annunciated the correct way sounds like Puh-las-K-I #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds IM A DANGEROUS ZOMBIE. I WILL PUSH YOU OVER!!!!#hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds Abe looks like he’s constipated in his slow-mo running scene#hashtaghorror

NickGator We have a zombie on the loose…a zombie on the loose #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror Greatest action sequence ever.

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror H is for Homer!

Kristoffrable Damn, Abe is really whipping his shit out on this guy isn’t he. You do not mess with the best mother fucker! #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Im leaving, don’t tell my wife. She will never notice Im gone. Are you a ninja now too? #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror for some reason I think Steven Seagal would be better suited to star as Abe Lincoln here

stateofthelinds We’re very serious. We show this by walking down the middle of railroad tracks. #hashtaghorror

NickGator Oh lord, we are getting political??? #HashtagHorror

SolaceWinter I think Will Sasso should have played Steven Seagal playing Abraham Lincoln. #HashtagHorror #MadTV

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror The racist sunflower from Family Guy in one his early roles talking about ‘boy’.

NickGator One two three go, or one two go? #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Did Abe Lincoln just kill Zombie Robert Smith? How could he! #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror Abe is also equipped to star in the Darksiders 2 movie.

stateofthelinds it bothers me that Abe’s nose doesn’t move at all. Not even a nostril flare. I can’t look away #hashtaghorror

NickGator Who goes there??? A fucking zombie you twit! #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Also Bobby Lashley for a role in this. He can yell ‘NO!’ to every zombie trying to bite him then call them a bath turd.

NickGator “Are any of you men injured? No? How bout some sexy time then?”#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Seagal as Lincoln: “You bastards are gonna pay. Then I’m gonna show you a world of pain…” < Line repeated 22 times in movie

Kristoffrable I wonder when Thomas Gates shows up, and then the plot line for the third National Treasure is accidentally spoiled. #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror Seagal would have won this movie in twelve minutes and used the rest of the time to preach.

NickGator General Jackson must’ve learned how to cough in a really bad improv class #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Token Black Guy: y’all cracks a on ya own. I’m outta here *flees*

Kristoffrable Did Abe bend over or did he foreshadow his death? I know I don’t duck like that! #HashtagHorror

NickGator I haven’t seen a montage this slow since…well ever #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Does anyone else notice that the men’s facial hair never matches their actual hair? Is this a guys version of carpet &drapes? #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror ok token black guy broke Romero’s rule of not mentioning the Z word. He must perish.

stateofthelinds These Zombies are what would have been made if SyFy had made#thewalkingdead #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable I imagine if this movie was shot all in Lincoln’s POV, they could have saved the defaming of his name here. #HashtagHorror

NickGator Zombies On A Train…err At A Train Station #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror when is Steven Seagal gonna make the run in?!

stateofthelinds You know Abe is thinking “Sucks to be you” at any given point#hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable I kind of wish this was Abraham Lincoln vs. Sharktopus…then I could have enjoyed it slightly. #HashtagHorror

NickGator Wilkerson…Wilkes Booth…I see what you did there #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror You already killed the poor lady who was out for a stroll!

stateofthelinds OHHHH BITCHSLAPPED! By whom? Mistress? THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME! #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable Wow, the voice overs in this flick are terrible…just terrible.#HashtagHorror

NickGator I bet you will see to it, honey #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Why does the president move like he has something shoved very far up his ass? #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds I’d never lie to you about your birth, Sophia. I just have no idea who he is. #facepalm #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds “Walk softly, carry this big stick” Advice you never want in a zombie movie #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror I’m sure you will ‘rise’ to the occasion with that daughter.

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror This is why he got elected. I’d vote Abe right now.

NickGator Walk softly and carry this big stick. I’m hoping for a zombie attack on the Asylum studios now #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror that had to have been John Cena selling that shovel attack. Must have been Triple H’s enchanted shovel too #BuryHim

stateofthelinds Cleavage, zombies awful blood spatters. All that is needed now is bad graphics and Id be convinced this was produced by SyFy#hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable Teddy Roosevelt? Oh fuck this movie…! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable You’re kidding me right? “Walk softly, and carry a big stick.” This movie should be destroyed and never spoken of again.#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds I AM OFFENDED BY THE WHORE. Said no man ever.#hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds This movie gets better the closer I get to the bottom of my wine glass#hashtaghorror

NickGator A pair of whores? Where? #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds “What we need to do is kill dem ZOMBIES” well no shit sherlock.#hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds Much like a good porn, a good zombie movie needs action. Lots of action. And less talking. This is not a good movie. #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable When Abe says that she’s a friend of his, it means that he hit that. #HashtagHorror

NickGator I think the real General Jackson could act better than this guy…today#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Hey guys, zombies = slave talk. This is news to me. #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Droll. Abe is Droll. #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds WE ARE ALL AMERICANS. Unless you’re black. Or a woman. But Zombies=AMERICAN #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable How can these zombies see if they have really, really bad glaucoma?#HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror So, the terrible child actor is the the best actor in the movie? *Head explodes.*

Kristoffrable The past number of #HashtagHorror‘s I’ve been denied boobs, can I have them now, please?

stateofthelinds Abe’s speech was so inspiring I got up and got another glass of wine. A big one. #hashtaghorror

NickGator Any chance a young John Kennedy is gonna show up too?#HashtagHorror

NickGator This MFer is hunting zombies and is still thinking with his dick#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Abe Lincoln sounds a bit like Harvey Kietel in From Dusk Till Dawn.

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Don’t be messing with Hershel’s chickens now!

NickGator NOOOOO NOT THE CHICKENS! #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Since when do zombies sleep? Are they as bored with this movie as me? #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror Santa? NOOOOOOO!!!!

Kristoffrable Abraham Lincoln cleavage killer! #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds What the fuck is Abe’s mole made out of? Silly putty attached with hot glue? #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds I dont love anyone as much as I love you. Not even my wife. Who i love. #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds “I gave it away freely” yet another obvious statement that didn’t need to be said. #hashtaghorror

NickGator I haven’t seen a President have such a layered relationship with a hooker since Warren Harding #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror “Sharpen the rake.” Great plan.

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Bonding time while fashioning some killer weapons.

NickGator Another slow montage? They need the director of Rocky IV stat!#HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable “Be resolute.” That’s a euphemism, right? #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds this movie got 3.1 stars out of 10 on IMDB. That is entirely too generous of a rating. #hashtaghorror

NickGator Did every Confederate soldier wear pancake makeup?#HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa@TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror “Four score and seven zombies ago…”” would pay to hear Seagal recite that in a serious tone.

Kristoffrable I love how they mock the confederates in leaving most of them out. Pretty sure Stonewall Jackson would have been involved.#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds The guy who plays Abe also starred in a movie called “Nude Nuns with Big Guns” this needs to be added to the list to watch #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds Were those zombies sleeping while standing up? #hashtaghorror

stateofthelinds EMANCIPATE THIS! Ummm….awkward. #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror This honestly looks like a movie that would be shown in The Simpsons universe.

stateofthelinds Im surprised this movie doesn’t have a #wwe superstar in it. I think Wade Barrett would be been a better Abe. #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror Moar cleavage! We demands it!

NickGator Emancipate this! Should be someone’s new catch phrase #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Holy shit, I didn’t realize that the guy who played Abe Lincoln was in the last Pirates movie. Eh Well, sucked anyway. #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror How have these sloth zombies infected so many people?

Kristoffrable I like how John Wilkes Booth’s last name is Wilkinson…yet another tie to National Treasure 2. #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds These zombies look like they have taken makeup tips from Amy Winehouse. Ohhhh….too soon? #hashtaghorror

NickGator “I am a double agent, using all the shitty acting skills I’ve cultivated” #HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds Dear Kid. BE SAFE. Oh, you don’t want to? Okay, no problem, come along. *facepalm* #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable “I don’t take order from a rebel.” “Oh yeah? Well I’m a rebel without a cause, and I’m going platinum!” #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror You just got your ass whooped, Goldberg.#WhosNext

stateofthelinds Don’t these guns ever need reloading? #hashtaghorror

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror He’s playing a real life version of Virtua Cop

stateofthelinds I’m drunk. This movie is now EPIC. #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable Poor Goldberg…I didn’t want to see him die. Oh wait, yes I did, he annoyed the crap out of me. There goes the streak. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Who unlocked the cheat codes on all the guns in this movie…you’re lack of reloading is entirely inaccurate. #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable Touching, that in a zombie apocalypse, Abe can still find the time to pray. #HashtagHorror

FamousPlewa#hashtaghorror Spoiler: Mr. Brown is Obama’s great great granddaddy. But Donald Trump would dispute that fact.

NickGator Please tell me these barrels are full of whiskey #HashtagHorror

NickGator NEW YORK CITY? #HashtagHorror

Kristoffrable If the whore says you can do it Teddy, then you can do it, but save some for the rest will ya? #HashtagHorror

NickGator General Jackson was an ancestor of Louis Armstrong apparently#HashtagHorror

stateofthelinds aaaaand on to glass #3. #hashtaghorror

Kristoffrable Is this where Sam & Dean show up, and mow ‘em all down? A guy can hope, can’t he? #HashtagHorror

NickGator So this is how Stonewall Jackson died? I missed that day in history class #HashtagHorror

NickGator Lincoln and Mr Brown going all HBK #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror “That all men are created equal…except zombies.”

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror The zombie extras doubling as human extras for this scene

NickGator Did they have a smaller man in mind or did they just want Lincoln’s coat to be that short in the arms? #HashtagHorror

TheSupremeForce#hashtaghorror Abe Lincoln: Total Dumbass.

FamousPlewa#HashtagHorror and we are done. It wasn’t all that bad. House of the Dead is undefeated as king of the bad zombie movies.

About these ads

One comment on “#HashtagHorror Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

  1. Pingback: #HashtagHorror Schedule for September 2012 « Team Hellions

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s