The Smarked for Death Wrestling Review of WWE TLC PPV 2012.

Alright fans I’m joining this about 10 minutes into the show so we’re jumping right into the action.

TeamRyNo

Missed the pre show.  Just saw that Naomi won.   Naomi?!  No one saw that coming at all.  Crazy.

Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio vs. Team Rhodes Scholars.

Cody’s mustache is the new hot chant.  As long as he has that dirty caterpillar on his lip he is set as a heel.  No need to do anything else.  Just keep the shitty facial hair.

Seems like I missed whatever Sin Cara did to mess up his leg.  I’ll assume he got up.  Walked around.  Maybe slipped in the shower.

It is amazing how much Rey understands physics.  He kicks Cody with the 619 and somehow Cody falls back right on the table that’s in the ring.  Amazing!

Before Rey can come off the ropes Damien jumps in and saves his partner.  Never seen a table picked up and set up in the corner to knock off the man in the corner.  Of course the legs sticking out may pose a problem.

Sin Cara tries to springboard but Cody pushes him back and he falls through the table left in just the right spot outside of the ring.  Well of course this ends the match.  Its a tables match.  Why in the hell did I think the table had to be in the ring to count?  Foolish of me.

Recap of Shield stuff.  I love how this video ends with the guy in the corner and then maybe the Blair Witch attacks the Shield.

Is it a good sign that Antonio is out first?  This worries me.

R-Truth has said if you pick a fight with America, you pick a fight with me.  Oh I remember when R-Truth, then known as K-Kwik led our troops into battle after 9/11.

Two time Hardcore champion?  Wow, will JBL drag out each and every bit of information he can find?  I’ll be stunned if he says Antonio is a former Ring of Honor tag team champion.  Or Truth’s run as TNA champ.

Michael Cole says Antonio wont take elevators.  He walks everywhere.  Including straight up in the air!  No elevators!

Jerry Lawler actually keeps his money in an old Coca Cola cooler.

Antonio is doing a great job of wearing down Truth but still having an interesting match.  Its not just a headlock and he’s not just locking it on as a rest hold.  He’s making Truth fight back and that gets the crowd behind him.  Yeah that’s what’s up.

The fans chant for Lil Jimmy.  Its the only chant for anything smaller than Cody’s mustache.

Oh just when Truth starts fighting back and I think this match has about 5 more minutes Antonio comes roaring back with an uppercut.  Hits the Neutralizer too and Antonio continues to impress everyone but Solace.

Antonio cuts a promo after the match to remind us all that he is awesome.

Tribute to the Troops stuff.

Nothing to mock with that.  Its a great thing that WWE does.  However, not much to comment on it either.

Josh Matthews interviews Dolph Ziggler.  “Legalized thievery” I cant wait for John Cena to cut a promo against Kurt Angle with this new buzz term.  If Dolph had a lisp would you say that John Cena is his Nemethth?

The Miz comes out.  In a suit.  Pretty safe bet he’s not wrestling tonight.  It looks a lot like MVP’s VIP Lounge.  Miz hypes Brooklyn, and I am now wishing for Cryme Tyme to return tonight.   Miz introduces his guests, 3MB!

3MB say they will perform tomorrow night at the Slammys.  Shut up and stand back!  3MB start to make fun of the men at the Spanish Announce Table.  Fair.  Then they are saved by… Ricardo Rodriguez.  A little weird but he’s a fine person to just beat up.  But then Ricardo is beaten up and is saved, by Alberto Del Rio?!  Del Rio gets an incredible pop!  The crowd loves him!  Del Rio and Miz fight off 3MB and I cant believe these two are the faces getting cheered. Crazy scene.

Wade Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston (Intercontinental champion).

The Wildcat Kofi Kingston?  Looks more like the Killer Bee!  What is up with those tights?

Wade is wrestling a great heavy hitting rough match.  Kofi is just taking a beating so far.  However, always remember that Kofi is more agile than Wade.  He’s more agile than most of the world.  He dives from the outside through the ropes and gets some momentum to dive back outside the ring and take down Wade.  Spectacular move.

Yet here we are a minute later and it looks like the move was for naught.  Wade is back on Kofi taking apart any body part he chooses.

Mrs Hellions is sitting next to me playing video games but I’m explaining current stories to her.  She remembers Wade and when I told her about that nasty injury that took him out, and his heart breaking reaction when it happened she now wants him to win over the much more popular Kofi.  And she loves Kofi!

What the shit was that?  Looked like Wade hit a full nelson suplex side slam.  That needs a shorter name.

Wade and Kofi start trading some very close pins.  Oh the crowd is into this.  Wade is fighting for it so damn hard.  If he was face he’d be the most over man in the building tonight.

NO! I knew when he hit that Trouble in Paradise that was it.  That was one of the best ones Kofi has hit.  Fuck.  This means…. Yup.  Wade got pinned.  Dammit!  That was really good on Kofi’s part.

CM Punk cuts a great promo getting over himself, his story with Ryback, a dig at the Rock, the Shield. just everyone and everything needed.  Plus I really really want that shirt.

The TLC match isn’t the main event?!  You have to be kidding me!  What is then?  Alright, quick fantasy booking.  Sheamus and Big Show is second to last.  Dolph cashes in on one of them thinking this then cancels his match.  We then have a World title ladder match.

ShieldConcussion

Team Hell No and Ryback vs. The Shield.

The Shield enters through the crowd.  As they should.  Say hi to the nWo and Raven’s Flock on your way through.

As soon as the Shield enters the ringside area Kane, Bryan and Ryback jump out of the ring to attack.  The Shield takes out one man at a time.  As soon as one is down, that’s now 2 on 1.  Take out the second and its 3 on 1.  Nice strategy.

The fans chant Goldberg.  I can only imagine Punk and Paul’s mark laughter at this.

I have not had time to watch NXT every week so this is the first time I’m really seeing these three.  I’m impressed.  Roman will get there.  Seth is damn good.  But holy crap Dean Ambrose is going to be a star.  He knows where he is at all times.  One of those rare wrestlers that never forgets for a moment he is on TV and in front of the crowd.  His movements, his reactions, his expressions.  Dean is going to go far.

This match is going to begin a trend for multi man TLC matches.  The Shield swarms and there is always someone coming back for more.  The three hungry workers they’re up against never stop.  There is always someone fresh in the match.  This is a non stop brawl.

JBL called them predators and that’s perfect.  They will do anything, use anything, to attain the goals.  The super-plex off the table.  Two on one and three on one assaults.  Oh this is incredible.  Damn right its a spot fest but its a really good one.

Roman is a tank.  How many guys have you seen spear Kane?  Guys that aren’t equal or bigger in size to the Big Red Monster.  It doesn’t happen.  The fans start to chant, this is awesome and they couldn’t be more right.

Ryback wakes up and comes back into the match.  Slams and presses and he wipes out everyone.  Ryback best be in the Royal Rumble next month, and he will be the star of it.  The fans are loving Ryback but they’re also loving the aggression of the Shield.

Ryback hits Shellshock but the rest of Shield breaks it up.  This match continues at full force.

Ryback and Roman fight through the set.  These two monsters are going to fight many many more times in the future.

I see a few ladders.  And a table.  And now Ryback is on that table.  Someone is about to make a permanent mark in WWE.  Seth Rollins starts to climb the ladder.  Daniel and Kane are still out at ringside.  Ryback comes to, which isn’t any better for Seth than the position he was already in.  Seth climbs the ladder higher to escape.  Ryback catches him and pulls him off the ladder, through a table you didn’t see!  Oh that was nasty.  Seth Rollins may be out of this one.

Roman and Dean run back to the ring and put Bryan through a table.  Ryback tries to return but holy crap he actually doesn’t make it in time!  The Shield has won!

NaomiSplit

Eve (Divas champion) vs. Naomi.

Well this will be interesting.  I cant believe Naomi is given this shot.  No one would ever have predicted this one.  Lets see how she does.  Naomi can pull off some nice gymnastic moves but that’s not a wrestling match.

And just like that, she fails at executing wrestling moves.  That was a bad cross body Naomi attempted.  I think this is Eve’s new wrestling style.  Wait for the opponent to fuck up, then go for the pin.  I look forward to her beating Sin Cara for a title eventually.

GiantChair

Big Show (World champion) vs. Sheamus – Chairs match.

Um, my fantasy booking is looking more and more likely.

Good start to the match.  The guys have fought so many times that its just average so far, nothing bad nothing great.  Show and Sheamus both showing off some big clubbering moves.  Sheamus is a little quicker, Show is a bit stronger.

How could Sheamus not find a chair?  There are near hundreds hanging from the rafters and set up all along the entrance ramp.  Plus people are sitting on them!  Just pick one!  Is this a special chair?  The fiery red chair of Ireland?

Show spears the chair which just happens to be in Sheamus’s hands as well.  That looked painful for both men.

Here’s the problem with Sheamus vs. Show.  They keep kicking out of each other’s moves.  Bodyslams, Brogue kicks, etc and what does it matter?  Two counts galore between these two men.  Also, when its a chair match and the chairs haven’t been used in awhile, it screams this will only be a two count.  The chairs will be involved, otherwise it wouldn’t be a chair match.

See, like this move.  Sheamus hits White Noise and drives Big Show through two chairs.  That seems like it should be the match ending pinfall.  It wasn’t, and that’s fine.  Now the chairs are in and being used to accent big moves.  This is how you do a chairs match.

Sheamus should call that move a Rogue Kick, and when it connects he steals Big Show’s powers.  Also, you’re damn right I tweeted that to Marvel.

Big Show pulls out the super large chair.  This chair is so large I thought Lily Tomlin was sitting in it.  Carrot Top saw this chair and thought, no no that’s too much.  Show cracks Sheamus over the back with it and the Super Chair is enough to keep Sheamus down for the three.  Well that was interesting.

And…. no Dolph Ziggler?!  Sonofabitch!  Well that’s actually horribly disappointing.

AJ Lee sees John Cena before his match.  We’re all thinking she’ll get involved right?  AJ on the ladder!  AJ on the ladder!

3mB vs. Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) and the Miz.

This… this is just beyond bizarre.  Truly anything can happen in the WWE.  Oh wait, they have a partner?!  Oh please oh please.

and the Brooklyn Brawler!

BrawlerReturns

This is incredible.  Miz and Del Rio are doing so well, but I think its because they are having a blast.  Brawler is loving this.  Brooklyn itself is on their feet.

Speaking of feet, Miz takes down Jinder but tags in Brawler.  Brooklyn Brawler locks on the Boston, no, Brooklyn Crab!  Brawler wins! Brawler wins!

John Cena vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Ladder match for the MITB briefcase.

Wow the fans are very anti Cena tonight.  Almost at the level of the Manhattan Center.  Dolph looks great so far and wrestling fans around the world have fingers crossed hoping that this is his night.

John Cena is just soaking in the boos.  He will be a fantastic heel whenever it finally happens.  Granted, it might happen when he joins TNA and then forms nWo but it will happen.

Cena gets cut open but thankfully the match is not stopped.  Sure the referee has gloves and that’s fine.  Makes a lot of sense.  But don’t stop a wrestling match for blood.  Blood is expected in wrestling!

Super-Cena has the worst cut over his eye.  One of the nastier wounds seen in WWE in some time.  Dolph is on his back and trying to hold on as long as it takes to knock Cena out.  John climbs the ladder, with Dolph still on and tries to grab the briefcase.  John passes out and falls back through a table.  Dolph goes through it too though and is out.

More Super-Cena tricks with the ladder.  Sure its impressive, but we really do need a hero with some flaws.  We need him to lose and get beaten down.  It doesn’t happen with John.  John Cena is WWE’s Superman.  Too powerful, and no one knows what to do with him.

Jerry,”that’s the big boys ladder”.  It came from WCW?!

Damn!  Cena and Dolph are really selling these punches.  Wow and ouch!

Ziggler gets knocked down and we all get pissed off because it looks like Cena will win.  Dolph appears from the other side of the ladder than where he fell and gets Cena down.  Thankfully the match continues.

John hits a Frankensteiner.  The world stops just to think about what happened.  Its awkward and sloppy, but he hit it.

The broken table in the ring comes dangerously close to going trough somebody.

Dolph is out so Vickie Guerrero comes out to hold off Cena.  AJ runs down to stop Vickie.  AJ hits Cena’s moves and takes out Vickie. John has recovered enough to grab the case.

Oh shit!  Oh shit!  AJ heel turn!  AJ tips the ladder over and knocks John Cena down!  Cena is out!  Dolph stand in shock.  He climbs the ladder and recaptures his briefcase.

Wow what a turn!  That was incredible!  And its not even to align with Dolph or Vickie, its because Cena didn’t give her his full attention.  Lets hear it for the crazy bitches!

 

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