Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice by Adrianne Ambrose Review.

Confessions of a Virgin Sacrifice by Adrianne Ambrose

4 out of 5

A virgin is sacrificed once a year to a Volcano God who demands it. This is what happens when women do not sit around waiting to be sacrificed.

Plot: It is hard to explain what the plot of this novel is about without giving too much away. Extremely fast-paced and a very quick read by the time you apprehend one thing there is a new one. This does not make it a bad thing but it does make for a plot that is constantly fluid.

Characters: Point-of-view character Jezebelle proves, often, to be the smartest character in the novel. Which is actually rather scary considering she has her own dense moments where she should have stopped to consider things. However, her companions in travel, Dizeray, the actual virgin sacrifice, and Thor, a barbarian that Jez admits has a stupid name, seem to be that much… stupider. It is frustrating to a point, but entertaining to watch the group bumble their way through the plot. They are joined by a troll, Lestor, and Thor’s brother, Tul. Lestor has the most personality out of the group and might be verging on the next smartest, which is scary considering he is an idiot as well.

Why did I enjoy a novel filled with so many idiots? It was a well told mess of bumbling circumstances. It reminded me of an episode of a sitcom where everything just keeps going wrong as they try to make it to their destination. Jez and Diz keep stumbling their way along, not really sure where they are going or why, and enjoying the fight. They are joined later by a wolf named Puddin’ who I kept hoping would do more.

This is not a plot to take seriously. It is easily torn apart and questioned if you really wanted to think about it, but that is not the purpose of this novel. This novel is to entertain and allow the non-virginal women to embrace something new. We all have days where we feel like Jez, Jez is just unabashedly brazen about her attitude. When you come to the ending you realize this ending is so very much the character. What could you have expected?

4 reason to enjoy this novel:

4. Fast paced, easy read

3. Humor that pokes fun at the fantasy genre

2. Strong female heroine that does not want to be

1. Does not attempt to take itself seriously

4 reasons to stay way from this novel:

4. Plot could become incoherent if deliberately picked at

3. Definitely a book for women

2. No real descriptions for the sex scenes

1. Does not attempt to take itself seriously

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Top 5 Matches 5/16-5/22.

As this list is almost 2 weeks old already, I’ll skip writing out details about the matches and just do a list.  These were my favorite matches for the week out of all TV wrestling shows.  Think I missed something?  Please, leave comments.

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Smarked for Death – TNA Sacrifice 2008.

Originally published at Hellions Magazine on May 20, 2008.

First my notes and results from watching the show.

TNA Sacrifice PPV May 11, 2008.

Kurt Angle arrives at the building, announces that due to the neck injury he received in South Korea, he cannot wrestle tonight.
Scott Steiner shows up, along with Petey Williams, Rokka Khan, Rick Steiner and Kevin Nash.  Petey looks ridiculous.
Samoa Joe shows up.
All the men cut promos on the match when they get out of their limos.

Already we have controversy.  Why is Nash with Steiner and not with Joe.

Deuces Wild quarterfinal match for the vacant TNA tag team titles
Team 3D vs. James Storm (with Jacqueline) and Sting
James Storm annoys Sting throughout the match.  Sting ends up putting Storm through a table.  Team 3D pins Storm and advances to the next round.

Frank Trigg is asked about Angle’s neck injury.

Deuces Wild quarterfinal match
Robert Roode and Booker T vs. Rhino and Christian Cage
Rhino hits the gore on Roode for the pin.
Booker raises Christian and Rhino’s hands in a sign of respect.  He then leaves the ring, grabs a steel chair and blasts Cage and Rhino over their heads.

Jeremy Borasch interviews Scott Steiner.  Steiner wants Nash to help him win the title tonight.  Steiner promises him the first title shot if he wins.

Deuces Wild quarterfinal match
Kip James and Matt Morgan vs. LAX
Hernandez pins James after Morgan accidentally kicks James in the face.

JB in the back with AJ Styles.  AJ talks about his Deuces Wild match until Angle comes in and confronts AJ whether or not he’s seeing Karen Angle.

Deuces Wild quarterfinal match
Super Eric and AJ Stlyes vs. BG James and Awesome Kong

Who exactly are the fans supposed to cheer for here?  AJ is a heel, but is, you know, phenomenal.  Super Eric is super over.  Awesome Kong is awesome, and BG is a permanent favorite in TNA.  Botched finish by AJ but a great, veteran recovery for it.

Lauren interviews Rick Steiner about tonight’s title match.

Terror Dome match for #1 contender to the X Division title.

Chris Sabin, Consequences Kreed, Curry Man, Sonjay Dutt, Shark Boy, Jimmy Rave, Kaz, Alex Shelly, Johnny Devine, Jay Lethal

Jim Cornette comes out and announces that not only does the winner become the #1 contender for the X title but will also be added as the third man to tonight’s title match.

Kaz with a move I’ve never seen before, almost a backwards piledriver.
Super tower of doom, begun by Johnny Divine who does a hurra cunranna off the dome.

Kaz escapes the cage.

JB interviews Samoa Joe

Deuces Wild semifinal match
Team 3D vs.  Rhino and Christian Cage
Johnny Devine comes down to the ring with a kendo stick.  He hides, hands the stick to Brother Ray.  Devine jumps into the ring to distract the ref while Ray hits Rhino with the stick.  Devon pins Rhino and Team 3D advance.

JB interviews Kevin Nash.  Nash finds out that Joe threatened to choke him out, Nash and JB go looking for Samoa Joe.

Deuces Wild semifinal match.
AJ Styles and Super Eric vs. LAX
AJ rolls up Homicide for the pin.  Salinas distracts the ref while Hector Guerrero comes in the ring and switches the roll up.  Homicide pins AJ.

Lauren interviews members of Samoa Joe’s family about tonight’s title match.

Knockouts Battle Royal
Angelina Love, Velvet Sky, Rhaka Khan, Salinas, Christy Hemme, ODB. Roxxi Laveuax, Jacqueline, Traci Brooks, Gail Kim
Order of elimination
Salinas
Velvet Sky
Traci Brooks
Christy Hemme
Rhaka Khan
Jacqueline
ODB
Angelina Love

It is now a ladder match between the final two women.  The winner gets a #1 contender shot for the Knockouts title.  The loser gets her head shaved.  Gail Kim has immunity from having her head shaved, so if she comes in second Angelina Love has to have her head shaved.

Gail Kim wins the match, Roxxi has her head shaved.

Excellent match.  Everyone has motivation, storyline, drive, and play their characters to the fullest.  Plus, a lot of great spots.
The Beautiful People beat up Gail Kim after the match.  Roxxi comes in for the save.  A bloody beaten Roxxi gets her head shaved.  All the other Knockouts watch from around the ring.  Honestly, am I the only one reminded of Raven.  Long hair, blood, head being shaved.  Traci Brooks, ODB, and Salinas sit with Roxxi for moral support.

Backstage confrontation between Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash.

Deuces Wild finals for the vacant TNA Tag Team titles.
Team 3D vs. LAX

Hector Guerrero dropkicks Johnny Divine from the top rope through a table on the floor.

Homicide pins Brother Devon for LAX to win the tag team titles.

Eric Young comes to the broadcast booth and says he will find Elvis in Memphis during the Slamiversary pay per view.

World Title match
Kaz vs. Scott Steiner vs. Samoa Joe (champion)

TNA analyst Frank Trigg joins the broadcast team for this match.

Steiner is, dare I say, a suplex machine in this match.
Kaz bumps like no one else in TNA.  He makes the other guy look good, yet doesn’t make himself look ridiculous in the process.
Scott Steiner and Kaz fight on the top turn buckle.  Steiner knocks Kaz off and to the floor.  Samoa Joe picks up Steiner from the top and hit’s the muscle buster for the win.

End
Further thoughts:

The only memorable part of this show a year from now will be the Knockouts match.  Roxxi will eventually be TNA Knockouts champion because of moments like this.  There she was, makeup running, blood caked to her head, her newly shaved head at that.  One of the best visuals ever in TNA.

Which the Terror Dome was not.  I love X Division spot fests as much as the next person, but matches like this become a clusterfuck.  Too many people, brand new gimmick match that even the wrestlers are still trying to figure out.  A few less people in the match will make the next one (because of course there will be a next one) that much more enjoyable.

Deuces Wild?  We got new tag champs and Booker T turned heel.  Other than that it was just a way to get a lot more people on the card.  Seriously, the pay per view bonuses for TNA must be hell for their accounting.

If Samoa Joe has matches like this for a few months, against top talent that he still dominates, then we are looking at a well deserved much enjoyed, if long overdue, title reign.  In theory TNA is booking long term and has a plan here.  We’ll see at King of the Mountain.