Rob’s Wrestlemania XXVIII Predictions

Aaaah, it’s that time of year again. The ground is thawed; thanks to global warming. The birds coming home; chirping. And Wrestlemania, looming, ready to dance on your neck when the time comes. It’s hard not to associate spring, at least for a wrestling fan, with Wrestlemania.

It’s safe to say that the last three ‘Mania’s have been met with high expectations, and have largely delivered. This year is no different, as Wrestlemania XXVIII has been built on the shoulders of John Cena and The Rock. Will It live up to the hype this year? I hope so; I’ve got high hopes for sure.

Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix (Divas Champ) & Eve

This is the match I’m least looking forward to, not because it’s a Divas match (I’ve got no problem with women’s wrestling, and when TNA had it’s shit together, they had some of the best female wrestling talent that the sport has ever seen!), but because it’s been relegated to this showcase of celebrity, more so than to display talent. A similar thing was done last year with Snooki, and turned out to be the worst moment in Wrestlemania’s recent history. I’m tired of females being limited to lust over leg locks, but if the “controversial” pin at December’s tribute to the troops was any tip off, Menounos got one over on Phoenix. I expect more of the same here, as drawing this story line out any longer seems silly, especially since Menounos is “injured.” I see Kelly Kelly delivering her version of the “fame asser” and Menounos coming in for the pin. Winners: KK & MM.

P.S. I’d rather look at Eve all day than any of these Divas, including Menounos (I don’t care if she has become a #HEEL; ‘drools.’)

Randy Orton vs. Kane

When the WWE introduces/re-introduces the “unstoppables,” as I like to call them, which are men like Umaga, who for many months in WWE are unbeatable, the story line tends to lack or just pack on the lame sauce completely. With Orton’s return and challenge of Kane’s dominance (diggin’ the mask by the way.), I’m more excited about this match. My biggest complaint about this match is that it’s just a straight one on one match; friggen pack it on, make it a no DQ at least or hell even another street fight, like the one where Kane thought he was being weak. In the cheesiest of ways, this is Wrestlemania XXVIII’s elemental battle; fire and ice, and as fire can get out of control, Kane will end up being disqualified for using a weapon of some kind. Winner: Randy Orton by Disqualification.

Team Teddy vs. Team Johnny

How did David Otunga become a captain in this group with a lineup of champions (Nobody cares about that tag title run you had, hell, Santino has two singles titles!). Yeah, I get that he’s being given more of a push, and is easily ready for a mid-grade title, but every time I see him, I just want to make some joke about Jennifer Hudson. But, I digress; I like that they’re giving more wrestlers a shot with this ‘Mania, especially since Christian is out (I could hug the shit out of CM Punk for that), making room for Drew McIntyre, but Team Johnny will be defeated. As cliche’d as it would be, I see it coming down to badly dressed lawyer vs. guy who wears a sock on his hand.² Champion defeats non champion via “Cobra,” and Teddy, who has been a GM for 7+ years will rule them all! Winner: Team Teddy.

Cody Rhodes (Intercontinental Champion) vs. Big Show

Granted that, since Cody Rhodes has become a #HEEL, he has become a way more interesting character, and the fact that he brought back a classic looking title makes him a god in my book. This match is less about the Intercontinental title (In fact, the title itself feels more like an innocent bystander), and more about the feud between these two. Big Show’s greatest attribute is that he is able to work with pretty much anybody in a match to make it more believable. He can move more easily, and make a more convincing “David vs. Goliath” match than any other big man in wrestling history. Though I want Rhodes to win, I think this is Show’s ‘Mania; they’ve hyped up the win-loss record enough, to the point, where Show’s got more to prove. Show nails Rhodes with the WMD, pins for the win. However, I definitely see the WWE giving him a push toward a world title, either late this year, or next year for sure. Winner: Big Show.

Daniel Bryan (World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Sheamus

Sheamus is red hot right now (pun inteded); making a face change did his career a lot of good, especially if you compare him to where he was at last year’s Wrestlemania. This is actually a rematch from last year except more is at stake this time. I can see A.J. getting involved in this match, costing Bryan the victory, and finally branching out and wrestling matches. I hope we get to see that, because A.J. is one hell of a wrestler. Anyway, Winner: Sheamus

Best in the World CM Punk (WWE Champion) vs. Best in the World Chris Jericho

This match should have been like that ROH tag title match where the winner was proclaimed world’s greatest tag team. Since Punk used truth as a tool last summer, it’s been popping up more and more, especially with the John Cena/Rock match. Here, Jericho has been getting personal, turning the tables on the “pipe-bomb” extraordinaire himself. Let’s face it, who wasn’t stoked for Jericho to come back (Despite that damn “lite-brite” jacket.), and who isn’t excited to see Jericho take back the title? Given that last year’s RAW main event blew chunks, this years will be nothing short of a miracle. “Code Breaker” to Punk, well a few I would say, but Jericho is coming away with it. Winner: Chris Jericho.

The Undertaker vs. Triple H (Hell in a Cell match w/ Shawn Michael as a special guest referee)

The streak vs. a man hell bent on breaking it, who thinks he has a friend in his corner. I feel like this match is very predictable, but it has entertainment value. After all, it is the only non-straight up match on the card. I think this will be the most entertaining match of the night and both competitors will put on a hell of a show, however, with Michaels there it’s going to work against Triple H. Will Michaels get involved? I think with the way his character is right now, yes I do. Regardless, there is no DQ and shit in this match so anything goes. Streak remains intact. Perhaps from here, we can see a Michaels vs. Hunter match to end Triple H’s career; just a thought. Winner: Undertaker.

John Cena vs. The Rock

I’ve joked that the promo image for The Rock/Cena match looks like a stage screen for Mortal Kombat III, featuring the worst characters ever (John Cena as Stryker and The Rock as Kabal.). But really, it’s Wrestlemania 18 all over again, and strangely enough exactly ten years later. Cena is pulling out his “truth” card with this match while The Rock is trending world wide. If there is one match that I care the least about on this card, besides the Diva/Celebrity match, it is this one. It’s bad when you have to hype a match one year before it occurs. In a way, the WWE’s move to do so ruined it for me and most likely for a lot of people. I enjoy the epicness this match has to bring to the table, but The Hogan/Rock match wasn’t as hyped as this. This leads me to believe that it won’t live up to all the expectation. Banter aside, these competitors are really well matched up, and for the fans, The Rock has to win, though, and I’ve joked this with Hellions himself, John Cena is the winner that the fans need. I realize that it comes off sounding like some stupid rehashing of that quote that closes out The Dark Knight, but it’s the truth. You better believe that there will be a lot of finisher near falls, which the Rock pioneered. In the end, Rock wins. Winner: The Rock.

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