Smarked for Death Wrestling Review for WrestleMania 28!

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The BluRay!

 

And now on to the review!  Enjoy it everyone and thank you for your orders and your commitment.

 

The other commitments are completed and thus I can now begin watching WrestleMania.  For those of you who don’t know, there is soon to be a Mrs Hellions and there is much, MUCH to plan out.  Sometimes these responsibilities get in the way of the geekery that runs this site.  Tonight was one of those nights.

But oh look.  Its late, things are done, and my body is full of caffeine.  If any of you out there want a good challenge, try to remain spoiler free.  I have to avoid Facebook, Twitter, my e-mail and even my phone.  Just in case some spoiler comes across.  It is by far one of the more difficult things I’ve had to do since deciding to make a living online.

Now, without further ado and with a mind free and clear of any spoilers I am going to mark the fuck out over the grandeur that is WrestleMania.

WrestleMania Pre Show!

Presented live on YouTube, WWE.com and probably other places I don’t even realize.  Matt Striker and Josh Matthews get us hyped up for the show.  I would be a lot more excited if they hosted everything.  Or at least anything over Michael Cole.

Holy crap we got a match!

The Usos vs.  Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel vs. Primo and Epico (WWE Tag Team Champions with Rosa Mendes).

Hot damn the set is insane.  I love seeing the outfits and fireworks of ‘Mania.  Part of that is the overdone huge set for the show.  These giant fake palm trees covering up the Hell in a Cell are insane.  I’m already excited for the next four plus hours of my life.

Rosa still doesn’t mean anything to me.  Of course she’s pretty.  She’s a WWE Diva.  That’s her job.  But her only gimmick so far is that she’s Latina.  And….?

The rules of the match is that three men will be in the ring and you can only tag in your official tag team partner.  When did that rule take place?  Its almost a call back to the New Age Outlaws rule.  Lots of quick tags from the champions.  The Colons and the Usos look like tag teams.  A rarity in much of wrestling today.  Kidd and Gabriel have potential, but still seem like two mid card guys thrown together.

Tyson springboards up to set the Tower of Doom into motion.  So an aforementioned mid card guy in a “dark” match is allowed to pull off a cool move?  Tyson is either getting a push or he’s pissing someone off backstage.  Tag team lift/Samoan drop combo!  Haven’t seen that since Three Minute Warning.  However, I’ve never seen it done on the floor.  Damn that was nice.  Gabriel slips on the already slick ropes and has to reset for an Asai moonsault.  The crowd boos the miss but pops for the second shot.  Well done work there Justin.

Epico hits a backstabber on one of the Usos and the champs keep the belts.  That was a nice fast paced exciting match to get everyone excited for tonight.

Rosa however does not get me excited.  She’s just trying too damn hard.

Hype videos, which was to be expected.  Matt Striker announces that the official show will kick off with the World title match.  Its a damn shame that the World title doesn’t ever get top billing.  But tonight I totally get it.  There are four matches that could go on last.  Not all of them can.  Plus other matches need to be worked in between them just to calm down the crowd a bit.  Cant have them go off to early.

Scott Stanford introduces the champion.  Somewhere Solace Winter is swooning.  Daniel Bryan cuts a fairly good heel promo.  Then AJ looks all awkward and upset.  She also looks like she got way too dark a tan.  HAHA!  The title becomes too heavy for her to carry.  Oh that was such a tiny thing and it was marvelous.

The Official PPV!

Very nice opening to the show.  Military flag bearers.  Lillian Garcia shows that she may mess up an introduction sometimes but no one else has ever sang like her within a WWE ring.  Of course there is a difference between America the Beautiful and the Star Spangled Banner, but hey whatever.

Fly over from a Blue Angel or a jet or something.  Could have been anything really.

Wow.  I have been saying over and over again that no one does hype videos like WWE.  This opening is inspirational.  Seeing John Cena and the Rock on very similar paths throughout their lives was damn cool.  Showing the debuts of Undertaker and Triple H was equally as well done.  Chances are this is the last match for at least one of these four men.  Possibly three of them.  Big night.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan (World champion, with AJ).

AJ has a skirt version of her ring gear.  Daniel is in a ring cape.  AJ has also figured out her own signature and unique way of holding open the ropes for the champ.  It all looks so cool.  The ENTIRE front row holds up “YES” signs.  Oh I am enjoying the shit out of this spectacle already.

Your announcers tonight are Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler.  Lets hope Cole remembers that he is not the star of the show.

What the hell?!  Bryan gets a kiss from AJ, turns around and BROGUE KICK?!  Sheamus pins Bryan and that’s it?!  What in the hell?!  I am shocked more so than I can believe.  I was really hoping for a good back and forth match.  I wanted Bryan to show off his wrestling skill in front of his biggest crowd ever.

Is this faster than Hogan vs. Yokozuna?  A new WrestleMania record I believe.  Sheamus’s celebration is lasting longer than the match.  Wow that was a shock.  As disappointed as I am in not seeing a good Daniel Bryan match it was a crazy booking choice.  I, and everyone else watching, now has the feeling that truly anything can happen tonight.  Good way to excite the crowd.

Team Johnny is having a rally meeting backstage.  There is no need for any Bella to be going over strategy.  None at all.  David Otunga shows up and his arms are even bigger than I already thought they were.  Johnny Ace comes in wearing almost all white.  I’m not sure if he’s leading a team, frying up chicken, or delivering some delicious milk.  I’m leaning towards milk though.  Some cream for David Otunga’s ever present coffee.

WWE will be giving away 100 trips to next year’s WrestleMania.  Ohhhh I want to go so bad.  I don’t even care where I sit.  Just the experience of being there.

Kane’s music hits.  No hype video or anything.  Wow the later matches must have been given a lot of time because the opening card is rushing by.

Kane vs. Randy Orton.

This match really isn’t doing anything for me.  Well, to clarify, its not doing much for people who aren’t big Randy Orton fans.  If you are this match is great and you’ll be really into it.  I however have neither love nor hate for Orton.  The match is classic Randy and classic Kane.  Something about Orton’s eyes is all fucked up tonight too.  Like he forgot to sleep all weekend.  Randy sets up for the Punt, and it gets a reaction.  Even from me.  That’s the prestige of a protected move.  Kane counters with a choke slam and its barely not enough.

Randy traps Kane on the turnbuckles and plots…. something.  Maybe a Super RKO but no idea because it doesn’t come to pass.  Kane comes off with a massive rope assisted choke slam and gets the pin.  Nice!  I only say nice because I am now two for two in my prediction group.

Santino hangs out with Deadliest Catch people?  That’s an odd crossover.  And Mick Foley is there too!  Santino and Mick tear into their crab meat.  It becomes one of the more ridiculous things ever on WWE TV, and that’s saying a lot.  On queue, Ron Simmons comes in to drop a “Damn.”

Ugh.  I mean its an okay average silly segment but throwing something like this on TV was more important than a World title match with any time dedicated to it?

Cody Rhodes (WWE Intercontinental champion) vs. the Big Show.

Nice new ring gear for Cody.  Rather super villain-ish.  Show comes out with a big smile.  Not very intimidating.  Its a rather average match until the ending.  Show starts to slip up.  Cody puts moves together and it looks like he might just slay the giant.  Cody is fooling everyone, but not the Big Show.  Rhodes misses the Disaster Kick and that’s all that’s needed.  Next thing any of us know Big Show hits the knockout punch and its all over.

Good for Big Show.  I mean I don’t know how much he needs a run with a secondary title at this stage in his career.  But what the hell else was he doing you know?

WWE/K-Mart commerical.  I constantly forget that K-Mart exists.  Its not a horrible chain but its been pushed aside and diminished in the wake of WalMart and Target.

Video package on how amazing the WWE Divas are.  NONE of it shows them wrestling.  I wish I was shocked by this but unfortunately not.  Yeah.  A long video showing how amazing the Divas are.  The women wrestlers in a wrestling company.  Not a second of which shows actual wrestling.

Beth Phoenix (Divas champion) and Eve vs. Kelly Kelly and Maria Menoundos (or however you spell her name that I couldn’t care enough to actually look up).

I’m not even sure what song played while Eve and Beth came out but it was not Phoenix’s theme song.  Either she just got doubly shit on or she will be getting the pinfall in this match.  While I picked the other team to win I will gladly accept and cheer Beth getting the pin.

Maria has broken ribs and now add stress fractures to the list.  Damn shame there are no other women in the country.  Not wrestlers apparently.  But there are women under contract.

Crazy amount of quick camera work all night.  It wouldn’t be so distracting but the camera moves and blurs with the wrestlers moves and all it amounts to is I don’t get a good view of anything.  Did the dropkick connect?  Who knows, the cameraman wanted to dramatically swoop.

Maria is dressed in some sort of sailor themed gear she still didn’t get right.  The heels work over her injuries.  Which means Eve of all fucking people is calling this match.  Beth looks stunning out there tonight.  Like a blonde Wonder Woman.  I want so much better for her than this match and her recent, well, I cant even say feuds or story lines.

Eve hits her horseshit booty pop move and it gives enough of a pause in the match to kick Eve out of the ring.  Hot tags on both sides and its now Kelly vs. Beth.  Alright, I will give full credit to Kelly Kelly for the top rope sunset splash.  Call it whatever you like, but that’s my guess.  Kelly “counters” the Glam Slam by placing her hands on the mat and bouncing back up for a bulldog.  Not bad but a bit too much suspension of belief.  Kelly goes for a hot tag of her own to the very injured and very hurt Maria.  Jerry Lawler even begs for her to not do it because Maria is “not a professional”.  Then what the fuck is she doing in the ring!?

Beth goes for a big slam but Kelly saves Maria.  Maria rolls up Beth for the pin and I weep for the career of the Glamazon.

Matt Striker interviews Shawn Michaels about tonight’s big match.  The End of an Era.  Something will come to an end!  This is professional wrestling.  Does anything really ever end?

The newly goateed Jim Ross comes down to ringside.  Oh!  Will he be calling a match?!  Can we have some talent for one of the big events on the show?  One can only hope.  Fingers crossed!

Its the End of an Era match.  The Hell in a Cell hasn’t even been lowered yet!  This will be a huge and overdone 10 to 20 minutes of entrances.  Where else but WrestleMania?!

Shawn Michaels comes out and to the dismay of many he is not in his signature short shorts the is usually his forte for refereeing bouts.  HBK reaches the ring and the cage still isn’t down!  I really want to see how this gets set up.  Triple H enters the arena through Castle Greyskull!!!  He-Man has the power, the power to end the streak!  Well, time will tell.

Shawn has his referee shirt untucked.  You don’t look cool Shawn, you look like a 40 year old who refuses to grow up.  Peter Pan much?

Undertaker’s outfit would not look a bit out of place in a Hellraiser movie.  Nasty as fuck.  The pyro is well timed and awe inspiring in its power.  Best entrance of the night so far.  A man just lifted his hands and an arena capable of holding nearly seventy thousand people shot off fireworks thousands of feet into the air.  That is no man, that is the phenom.

‘Taker reveals his short hair, which we all knew was there, and its a bad ass look.  It looks part evil, part business, part evolution.  He looks towards the heavens and lowers hell.  Metallica’s “The Memory Remains” plays while the most dangerous cage in over 100 years of wrestling is lowered.  Every single wrestling fan on the planet hopes that this truly is a memorable match with a battle that will remain in our minds for the rest of our lives.

Undertaker comes out throwing fists and this with his new look is the most dangerous version of the Dead Man we have ever seen.  He doesn’t look like a wrestler, nor an ultimate fighter, nor a character.  He looks like all of those things and also something else that rises above those labels.

Dead Man controls the beginning of the match.  He introduces Triple H to every side of the ring, the cage, the steps.  If its on the outside Hunter is intimately familiar with it by now.  Hunter fights back a little bit in the ring, but some steel steps to the head ends that.  Undertaker rearranges some furniture and continues to break the body of Triple H.

Any time Triple H starts to fight back a little Undertaker stuffs it.  The Cerebral Assassin has not been able to gain any momentum.  He has barely strung together two or more moves.  Undertaker bounces off the ropes but HHH catches him and hits a spine buster onto the ring steps.  That could be it but ‘Taker locks on a Hell’s Gate.  THAT could be it but Hunter powers up and lifts Undertaker then drops him back down for another spine buster.  This match is only going to get bigger and more intense.

As soon as I write that, Triple H pulls out a steel chair.  The weapons are being swung with great frequency tonight.  The Game hits Undertaker with a chair so many times the chair folds in half.  Not the way it was intended to fold.  Hunter creates a new bend over Undertaker’s back.

What in the hell?  I don’t like this.  Triple H keeps beating down on Undertaker but refusing to cover him.  He wants Shawn to call for a referee stoppage.  Oh no, not like that.  Not the streak.  Michaels begs Undertaker to give up.  Dead Man very clearly instructs the guest referee to not dare stop the match.

Holy shit!  I thought that was a two count.  Also, Triple H definitely has some blood coming down.  I think from one of the many steel steps shots.  Even though we all feel that the streak should not be broken, you can feel it.  Every single fan is in fear that this is the destruction of the Undertaker.  Its the new boss and the new boss’s best friend.  It is very possible that this is the end.

Triple H pulls out the trusty sledgehammer.  Crack!  Right to the skull.  My jaw is dangling, one two and I can’t believe he kicked out.  Shawn dives to pull the sledge away from Hunter’s hands.  This is maybe the most intense match I’ve ever seen.  Shawn wants to call for the bell.  He is torn between his friendship and his respect for the Phenom.  What an incredible story in here.

What a swerve!  Hey, if the referee might call for the match to end, thus destroying everything you worked for, take out the fucking referee.  Michaels gets taken out with the Hell’s Gate.  Hunter tries to beat him down more, but Undertaker locks a Hell’s Gate on Triple H!  The Game is passed out but HBK is still passed out as well.  Undertaker has this match won, but no one is there to call for it.

Charles Robinson runs down to officiate the match but it takes awhile to unlock the cage.  He gets in just in time for Undertaker to hit a chokeslam and somehow Triple H kicks out!  Wow this is one hell of a match.  “End of an Era” indeed because when was the last time you saw a story like this?  Undertaker takes out Lil’ Natch as well and we’re still without a referee.

Shawn pops up and hits Sweet Chin Music!  Hunter nails a Pedigree and I scream out NO!!!!  Shawn drops down and I think its the one count.  Thus when he gets to two I think its three. But no! And there’s a kick out!  Holy crap the match is still going!

Michaels cant believe its not enough.  He is second guessing every decision.  Emotions are running unchecked.  Hunter tosses Shawn out of the ring.  Michaels is out of action yet again!  Undertaker gets some more wind in his lungs and unleashes combo moves not seen this side of a Street Fighter tournament.  One massive Tombstone and we all think its over.  Two count!  Shawn is in tears because he just wants to see this match end before someone dies.

Undertaker and Triple H are on their backs and then their knees trading shots.  They stand but its not so much that one can stand.  Its more if the other one is going to stand then dammit I must.  Its mutually assured destruction.  Hunter hits a Pedigree and you couldn’t slip a piece of paper under Shawn’s hand before the kick out.  This is the loudest and most obsessed crowd possibly ever in wrestling history.

Triple H tries to grab the sledgehammer but Undertaker puts his big boot on it.  Not today bitch!  Undertaker destroys Triple H with a chair.  Not one crack to the skull, but there doesn’t have to be.  Every shot to the back and the body sends waves of pain into the bodies of every fan.  ‘Taker goes for a cover and Shawn begs one of them to give up.  Undertaker screams for Triple H to stay down.  I don’t think either man is getting out of bed tomorrow without assistance.

The sledgehammer is back in Hunter’s grasp.  Undertaker sees it and stands ready, daring him to use it.  Triple H has nothing left but to shove Undertaker.  Shawn turns his head so he wont have to see what is about to come.  Undertaker uses the sledge on Hunter.  Shawn still has his back turned, washing his hands of this blood.  The echoes of Shawn’s matches against Undertaker come forward.  ‘Taker hits a tombstone and it is finally, mercifully enough.

20-0.

Wow.  Just wow.  You want to make someone a wrestling fan for life?  Throw on this match.  Two millionaires that don’t have to prove anything to anyone ever again just put on one of the all time great matches because they could.  Bra-fucking-vo gentlemen.

Shawn reaches his hand out and helps Undertaker to his feet.   Wow, there are just so many stories in this match.  Every action of the wrestlers.  Every word from the announcers.  This sounds like its it for the Undertaker.  Undertaker and Shawn help Triple H to his feet and all three men leave together.  Yeah.  This is it.  Wow.  Is it sad that this will be a day I remember forever?  The day I realized that I’m not getting any younger and life is going by fast.  I remember all three men’s debuts in WWF/WWE.  And here they ride off into the sunset.

Slim Jim takes out an ad that they have donated a half million worth of product to the Troops?  How much did you pay for this ad?!  This sounds like a lot of thunder for not that much lightning.

Hall of Fame ceremony clips.  Cant wait to watch all of this.  I’ll settle for the one hour edit tomorrow, but it will be even more fun to see the full ceremony on the eventual DVD and BluRay.

I don’t want to say that the WWE Announcers are out of touch but Jerry wrestling fans don’t chant “this is amazing”.  They chant “This is Awesome”.  Its a tiny mistake and yet a big one as well.

Hall of Fame class comes out on stage to get the fans cheers.  Yokozuna’s son has some size to him.  You think WWE has their eyes on him already?  No close up of Ric Flair on camera.  Probably part of the TNA compromise.  Edge gets a huge reaction.  You can tell that the only one who didn’t want him to retire early more than him, were the fans.

BWAHAHAHHAHAHA.  Flo Rida is about to be interviewed but Heath Slater tries to put himself over.  The real rock band.  Oh this is great. Heath also looks like a copy of James Storm, if I thought WWE Creative knew who James Storm is.  Mid Card Mafia!  Flo Rida knocks Heath on his ass allowing Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks to make fun of him.  Solace for the win!

Brie Bella introduces Team Johnny:  The Miz, Jack Swagger, Drew McIntyre, Mark Henry, Dolph Ziggler, David Otunga and finally John Laurinaitis with Vickie Guerrero.

vs.

Nikki Bella introduces Team Teddy:  Kofi Kingston, The Great Khali, R-Truth, Zack Ryder (with Eve?!), Booker T, and Santino Marella followed up by Hornswoggle and Teddy Long (with Aksana).

Wow that was a lot of people to introduce.  Nikki called Hornswoggle the standard bearer.  Also, not that I can tell any difference between either Bella.  And I think they’re both useless.  But Brie did better ring introductions.

Three matches left, and plenty of time could be given to this match.  Doesn’t mean it will get time of course.  Lets’s see.

There are so many people on the ring apron you can barely see the action in the ring.  I still wish this was an elimination style match.  Too many people and numerous quick tags.  Its all too much to make an enjoyable match.  Everyone gets time to hit some moves and look good.  But after the epic tale in the last match, this one doesn’t have a prayer.  Granted, its a completely opposite kind of match.  Probably the best place on the card for it.

Everyone starts to hit take out moves, people are tossed to the outside then they dive to the outside.  The women get into it with each other.  Its a mess of a match.  After all of this Santino gets the hot tag and it looks like he’ll be the star of the match.  Dolph makes the save for the Miz but here comes the other most over guy in WWE.  Zack Ryder comes in and starts clearing house on Miz and Dolph.  Eve comes in the ring for absolutely no reason.  It just looked stupid and the most over booked spot of the night.  It was more over booked than a lot of TNA Impact.  Eve throws off everything allowing Miz to take advantage and get the pin.

Team Johnny is now in charge of both shows and this could be some interesting stories coming up.  If you have to do a GM gimmick for your wrestling show, there is more story potential if that GM is a bad guy.

Eve helps Zack up and then kicks him in the nuts!  She is trying hard to win the most hated Diva award.  Would have been a lot better if she removed her Team Teddy shirt to expose a Johnny shirt underneath.  As great a heel (literally!) move that it was, it could have been better.

Extreme Rules will be the next PPV, and its in Chicago.  Hmmm… wonder if CM Punk will put over classic ECW.

Torrie Wilson is shown sitting front row.  This is better work than any WrestleMania appearance she had while a Diva.

All of the crazy stuff from WrestleMania week is shown.  Really, if you have a chance to go to WrestleMania do so.  Go crazy.  Attend all of these extra things that you possibly can.

Johnny Ace tells CM Punk that if he is disqualified, he will also lose the WWE title.  Oh that’s a bunch of shit.  Good heel move though. This actually does make me excited for Raw.

SUPER Lite-Brite jacket on Chris Jericho!  Insane video package for this feud and I’m excited again.  Recharged batteries!  No not in Jericho’s jacket.  A recharge for me at near 4 in the morning because I have faith this will be a great match.

Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk (WWE Champion).

Adding the stipulation that Punk can lose the title on a DQ is fantastic.  He comes so close to going over the edge numerous times.  Jericho looks like a piece of shit, but a brilliant one.  Remember, best in the world includes mind games.  Jericho keeps at Punk and its not the match I expected but its pretty great.  CM Punk grabs a chair and almost loses his title.  Jericho finally starts to wrestle and some damn good action is now afoot.

Its a good match but nothing to write home about until they start prediction each other’s spots.  Jericho fights off a bulldog.  Punk counters a Lionsault.  Those small touches, that familiarity with each other even though they have not fought each other, adds so much to the match.  Jericho even counters the elbow drop. Chris hits a Code Breaker and Punk wisely rolls to the outside of the ring and avoids the immediate pinfall.  Punk hits a GTS on Jericho and it seems too early, too clean.  There’s the rope break!  Well done Jericho.

Smart wrestling from both men.  Moves that failed the first time are attempted again.  There are counters and echos of earlier moves.  High stakes don’t always pay off.  Punk goes for a top rope Frankensteiner but Jericho stops it and drops down into a Walls of Jericho.  Punk fights back.  He hits a tope but its a nasty fall and I think CM Punk caught it worse than Jericho.

Punk springboards in for a clothesline and Jericho catches it with another Code Breaker.  Every move has a response, a counter,a rebuttal to it.  The match could make you believe that wrestling is a sport.  That wrestlers actually do study tapes of their opponents.  Punk goes for the GTS but Jericho somehow grabs onto Punk’s leg and counters it right into the Walls of Jericho.  Its one of those really good Walls where the opponent is folded in half.  Jericho lets CM Punk get close to the ropes, only to yank him back.  Punk rolls into it and it becomes a two count exchange.  The small packages roll into an Anaconda Vice and we’re still getting two counts!  Jericho fights out with knees to Punk’s head.  Then Chris goes for Walls again!  Punk fights our and locks on a Vice again!  Punk learns from earlier in the match and he moves to avoid Jericho’s knees.  Jericho tries every way possible out of the Anaconda Vice but there is no escape.

Jericho taps and CM Punk confirms and earns that title of Best in the World.

Damn good match.

What the hell?!  The Funkasaurus is at WrestleMania?!  Who gets the honor of being squashed on the biggest show of the year?  Nevermind, he’s actually calling his Mama.  Oh what in the hell.  Mama Clay and the Bridge Club Dancers.  Because another match couldn’t take place at this time?  Maybe an NXT showcase?  Anything but this?  Please?

Some skinny white guy you would throw out of your house and the chick from Fifth Element sing a song.  Then the whole state of Florida, embodied in one man, sings a song for the Rock.

John Cena vs. The Rock.

Its been a long night and a long journey to this match.  Some needless matches.  Some instant classics.  Lets see which one this will be.

Cena and the Rock echo scenes from Rock vs. Hogan ten years ago.  I don’t know that the crowd being split equates to Cena being controversial.  That’s not the definition of controversial I usually roll with.

Rock hits deep arm drags and a pretty good kip up.  John Cena and everyone else is caught by surprise.  I was going to say that Cena is playing the heel role when he rolls out of the ring to compose himself.  But then Rock kicks Cena while he’s still in the ropes.

John Cena goes for a bear hug rest hold?!  In a match of this caliber?!  That was piss poor.  Rock is dumped to the outside.  Does either man have a plan here?  Cena drops Rock across the announce table and Rock’s ribs look done for.  That phrase doesn’t look as good written out as it sounds when spoken.  Rock’s ribs aren’t so good no mo’!

Another bear hug?!  No one in the history of wrestling has said, “did you see that match?  How many bear hugs do you think they did?!”  If the bear hug was built up going in to this match, then maybe it could have gotten over.  Cena’s devastating clasp.  But I cant remember if I’ve ever seen him use it before.  Doesn’t matter if he did it on Raw or last month or last year.  It wasn’t important enough to remember and thus what the hell is such a move doing within this match.

Rock tries for a People’s Elbow, Cena trips him up and tries for an STF.  Cena hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle though.  Well Rock has to answer this right?  What an oddly booked match though.  One cant assume anything in here.  Double clothesline and both men are down.  Not that it looked strong enough to knock anyone down, but, you know, here we are.

Cena surprises everyone with an AA and gets the first 2 count of the match.  Everyone thought there was about to be a huge swerve with Cena getting the pin on his first try.  Rock hits a Rock Bottom and Cena has to kick out to balance this out.  And so he does.  Cena goes up the ropes, which I think he has a success rate equal to Ric Flair’s.  John leaps half way across the ring and hits a double leg drop on the back of Rock’s neck.  Still not enough for anything more than a two count.  Rock goes for a Sharpshooter, a move I had forgotten he adopted.

A few moves that don’t end up meaning anything.  Cena locks on an STF and there is just no emotion to this match at all.  Rock might actually pass out to the STF!  That would be the surprise of the night.  I never officially guessed but if I had to I’d say Cena should win this match from a quick lucky three count.  Rock is fading fast.  Arm goes up once, twice, and swoops back up on the three.

Thankfully Cena kicks out from a People’s Elbow.  Which is good, because it looks worse now than you thought it did 10 years ago.  Cena slingshots Rock into the post and tries to pick up a quick roll up pin.  No luck.  The Rock looks out on his feet and honestly I’m not far behind.

Rock leaps off with a cross body.  Cena catches him, rolls with momentum, and powers Rock up for an AA.  That should earn the respect of all Cena haters.  It did not, however, earn him a pin.  Cena is going to be an asshole and hit a People’s Elbow.  While he’s running the Rock pops up, hits a Rock Bottom and… gets the pin?!

What in the hell?!  This is the only match Rock has.  John Cena will be at every show, every PPV and now he looks weak losing to a guy who hasn’t really wrestled in almost a decade.

Dislike!  Disagree!

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