I have a full review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 coming up shortly, but I had an idea while watching it. This whole week I’ve been thinking about What If scenarios for the world of pop culture. Probably because of the topic for this week’s League of Extraordinary Bloggers. Which you can find out more here:
“What if…? — Write an alternate turn of events for a pop culture storyline.”
So what if Twilight was good? Because I’ll tell you, these movies are slices of shit. But what bothers me more is that in each film (I haven’t read the books nor do I care to) there are moments of brilliance.
First of all is the super powered vampires. They can be out in the sun and they sparkle. However, they can also run obscenely fast, have heightened senses and are ludicrously strong. These uber vampires could destroy anything in their paths. I’d buy a ticket now, numerous ones in fact, to see Avengers vs. Super Vampires. Hell, I’d pay to see good super vampires vs. bad super vampires movies. Which this should be. But it isn’t. Which leads me to…
In battles featuring super vampires vs other super vampires plus werewolves thrown into the mix, they are somehow boring. Even the great effect where the breaking of vampire bones sounds like the shattering of glass is wasted. The vampires fight without any more than their bodies, but why?! If only a vampire is strong enough to rip the head off of another one, then some swords at the ends of those hands would yield even more destruction. It can be done because the powers aren’t limited to vampirism.
Not to spoil too much for this franchise, but many of the vampires have extra powers. The Uncanny X-Vampires are in the house! Twilight: First Class. If these creatures of the night are also going to be mutants than why not go all out? I want to see some battles that put the X-Men to shame. The only thing that could be better is if there was some evil shadowy group of vampires, much like the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. Or the Marvel Illuminati.
Oh wait there is! In another wasted idea the Cullen family of Twilight-lore often find themselves at odds with the Vulturi (or however its spelled, I cant be bothered to look up anything Twilight related). This is an ancient order pulling the strings and puppeting the people (that sounded a lot better in my head) in ways that affect not only Edward’s family but must also effect vampires worldwide.
Screw this horrible abusive love story between Bella and Edward. Its a horrible story. However, this worldwide battle of warring super vampire clans could be amazing! Am I asking too much?
Check out more from the League!
Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks
Memories of Toymorrow
The Man Who Stares at Toys
Lair of the Dork Horde
Of Flying Monkeys
Cool and Collected
Rediscover the 80s
Stranger with Friction