Because I took part in the General Mills Monster Cereal election. Oh what a crazy campaign it has been. For those of you who have been following all the way to election day, you remember where you were for every twist and turn. For those of you who may have tuned out until today, lets go back to the Monster Cereal Debate.
If you forgot, this was moderated by Fruit Brute Blitzer.
The three monster mascots were asked for their thoughts on the US Presidential elections. We start with Count Chocula.
Count Chocula: “As a brown skinned individual with a family and nationality history that has had episodes of violence it troubles me to see a presidential candidate wanting to close the country’s borders to people like me. However, this same candidate also likes to take advantage of eastern European women without their consent. Which, if you have seen any movies based on my family, you are aware we have similar interests. While it is hard to have issues with my orange skinned brother over this it is tough to swallow his generations of Americans rhetoric. I mean, I’m hundreds of years old! My ancestors died before your country existed.”
Thank you Count. We will now ask Frankenberry how he feels about the election. Frank?
Frankenberry: “As a collection of reanimated body parts of the deceased I am also concerned with the immigration policies I have heard. What is a living dead person like myself to do? My arm or my leg might come from an undocumented immigrant or from a person of Middle Eastern descent. Should that body part be sent away? In that case I’ll be left disabled and we have already seen how that candidate reacts to those who are disabled. Then, as my past has been brought up during this campaign, the nation remembered my troubling past issues with “franken-stool”. First is this invasion of me coming out of butts, its only fair to assume something going into butts is next. What does it matter what consenting adults do in their private lives? I could have just as easily been interested in the Groom of Frankenstein. I am a giant male covered in pink after all.”
Finally, Boo Berry. Mr Berry.
Boo Berry: “I don’t know why I’m up here. Historically, third party candidates like me don’t stand a ghost of a chance. Little humor there to break the tension. Anyways, I am usually the only candidate in a sheet and I have not appreciated the competition. Especially when that competition spews hate and my platform is built on a slightly hardened marshmallow surface. You can count on me and my supporters to always vote Blue.”
Get out and vote today! While I said I’m voting for a monster, I did not. I am very happy with my vote for Her and I look forward to the next 4 or maybe even 8 years.