It’s been a busy winter break here at Casa Hellions, but we are back on the road to the Joysticks series. Thank you to all who have stayed with this movie review and possibly the most words ever written about this film.

When we left off the arcade was in the middle of their celebratory pajama party. Joseph came in to drag his daughter out of the den of Dig Dug and vowed vengeance. The next morning Joseph has hired and scheduled a spontaneous protest against the arcade. Various stuffy members of the older generation walk in front of the arcade with picket signs. Not even very clever signs. No “make love not WarGames”. “This place can kiss my asteroids.” Hell, the game that McDorfus and Vidiot play is called Satan’s Hollow. It’s right there!

Joseph is interviewed by the news and claims shock surprise and approval at this “spontaneous” demonstration. Somehow he has grown jowls since the last scene and they jiggle in both disdain at the gamers and approval of the sign holders. No business wants negative attention so Jefferson and crew use their first weapon. The photo.

The local news station interviews Joseph poolside and hits him with that “gotcha” journalism when they inform him they have a picture of him with two young topless girls at the arcade. Joseph shuts the interview down and brings the battle to the arcade. Joseph agrees to stop attacking the arcade if Jefferson gives him the picture. An envelope passes hands and it appears detente has been reached. But there’s still a half hour left of the movie so probably not.

Jefferson has won for now and stares longingly at a picture of a mysterious girl. This is a big late addition to the film and in the finale of this series I’ll voice my displeasure with it.

The protesters are still at the arcade but now they are enjoying the deal of the day.  Turn in a picket sign, get a free token. It’s brilliant and causes all of the disruptive protesters to now come inside and become paying customers. Again I would think Joseph is defeated but there’s still plenty of movie left.

Not only is Joseph on the outside looking in, but so is King Vidiot. Joseph tries to get his attention but King Vidiot in the best foreshadowing of the movie exclaims he does not like being touched. Joseph is upset the protesters are inside and not out side protesting. Vidiot is upset all the old people are inside and he isn’t. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. The two meet at stately Rutter mansion.

Joseph: “you and I have something in common. Do you know what it is?”

Vidiot: “we both like to hang out in public bathrooms?!”

I’m losing it. I don’t care if it’s a throw away joke line or a deep insight into the true nature of these characters. It was an over the top unexpected line in a movie that surprised me multiple times. Might explain why Joseph doesn’t touch the Mrs. anymore.

Joseph promises Vidiot his own video game. NO idea which one, but either way it will be all his. No one else can touch it. Unless the video game cabinet is also in a public bathroom. And taps its foot the correct number of times. A deal is made and King Vidiot rides into battle. On the tiniest bikes you’ve ever seen. Each member of his misfits rides one too. These bikes are so tiny they look at Shriners in parades with deep rooted penis envy. This group of punks rides into the arcade and raises heck. Not a whole lot of hell going on with tiny bikes. They don’t cause a lot of trouble but they cause enough to make the town board take a look at the arcade. We can’t have any establishments that attract trouble in our town. The arcade is the equivalent of that local bar that always has fights.

It’s about to be the eleventh hour for the arcade. Will they survive? Insert another quarter to find out!

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